Well, here’s an unpleasant thought that jumped into my mind this morning. And who knows how the minds, both of them—conscious and unconscious, really work or organize themselves. In that respect, I am a mystery to myself.
I had recently heard a little parable—if “parable” is the right word or not, I’m not sure. But it went something like this:
“Women put up with sex, for the sake of a relationship, whereas
Men put up with relationship for the sake of sex.”
It was a man who told me that. I must have heard that a month or more ago, and yet it introduced itself into my mind only this morning, upon arising—as if some aspect of myself had been repressing it for all that time, or maybe was just ruminating about it—unbeknownst to my conscious mind. Sometimes, I start to feel as if I’m in a labyrinth when attempting to write about such things—“Sheesh, where’s the exit sign?”
But back to the original point, because I do tend perambulate around ideas—as if there is some need to explore all the close relatives of that idea (which is true). So I got to thinking about women. I got to thinking about how it’s been for them, historically, when men have had absolute and complete authority over them. When men put themselves into those positions of total, life-and-death authority, it’s as if they, the men, are having their deepest wishes and fantasies made real. It’s as if, that is the world, the dynamic between the sexes, that they really and truly desire. So, when they have that much power, they create their idea of “perfect”.
The more I thought about it, and took imaginary trips back to feudal Japan, feudal Europe, many others—and now, today Islam (which is only feudal)—the more uneasy, and frankly, the more depressed, I became. In all of those cultures, women were, are, little better than servants, and sex slaves. They are also entirely expendable and interchangeable. And that, with slight variations on the theme, has been the overwhelming arch of women’s lives for as long as anyone can remember, or for as long as history records. Fine, we can all cite cultural exceptions, but they are few and far between. Women in that highly civilized and advanced country of Switzerland only got the right to vote in 1971. Here are a couple of snippets about that from a Google search:
“Women in Switzerland gained the right to vote in federal elections after a referendum in 1971. In 1991 following a decision by the Federal Supreme Court of Switzerland, Appenzell Innerrhoden became the last Swiss canton to grant women the vote on local issues.”
(1971. 1991. Wow. Feudalism had been long gone by then. Or was it?)
“New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote (in 1893), while the King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia granted women the right to vote in 2011. The United States finally began allowing women to vote in 1920, after the ratification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution.”
Nice of King Abdullah to “grant” that. Mighty big of him I’d say—even though bigamy still reigns supreme in his land. Women are still little better than sex slaves in his spectacularly Islamic country—just as the sumptuously, feudalistic, and fanatically Koran dictates they should be. By way, it (The Koran) richly deserves all of those adjectives and so many more. But let’s save that for another time.
So, is the parable true? In the experience of this writer, sadly, it is very true—or mostly true, most of the time. Sex and relationship are separate concerns for male kind, with one concern being of much greater importance, and one, lesser. And it leads me to the following rhetorical question: So, menfolk—is there any drive in you, or need—or any pleasure to be derived from having a deep and meaningful bond, through relationship, with your opposite in kind, i.e., woman? Does that have even ANY real value at all for you? Honestly? Or is it something that you simply go along with, as per the parable? Seriously. Or, is it more as the parable states, that men will put up with, and pretend to participate in HER need for meaningful, and deep, and long term relationship—as long as the sex which she can provide is spectacular, and of course, frequent? It’s a nasty question. I don’t like it at all. But now it’s going to “dog” me until either an answer, or reconciliation, or some deeper wisdom concerning it is arrived at. Maybe it’s why older men will so often pursue much younger women. There can’t be much relationship there, but there can be great sex. And that is nowhere more true than in the lands of Islam where an 80 year old man can, and does, marry a 12 year old. But then again, in cultures like that, men are able to have their deepest wishes and desires fulfilled, and so it is.
If the parable is true, then maybe as the book says, “Men are from Mars and Women are From Earth” (my change) In which case, there is no answer or solution to be had.
Sometimes I really do wish that my unconscious mind would find another way of venting itself—“Go forth and find another, somewhere else, Complaints and Unhappy Revelations Department. Go file with them.” Well, maybe if the conscious part of the equation didn’t shunt this stuff to a back burner all of the time, then maybe these unpleasant surprises of insight wouldn’t happen.
Who knows? I’m no Shrink, that’s for sure.
Earth to Male kind. Do you hear us?